Remember Reagan’s famous admonition to distrust Government and evil bureaucrats? “I am from the Government and I am here to help.” Well, I just discovered today that we’ve got a much more serious problem: 16.8 million hard-working, God-fearing Americans practice the idolatrous stretching poses of Yoga. My friend, this is a religious abomination, on the level of witchcraft! (Ms. O’Donnell, see what you have done?). You think I am just an alarmist? Read this:

Southern Baptist Seminary President Albert Mohler says the stretching and meditative discipline derived from Eastern religions is not a Christian pathway to God. Mohler said he objects to “the idea that the body is a vehicle for reaching consciousness with the divine.” ‘Scuse me…consciousness with what? I don’t know what the good Mr. Mohler means by “the divine.” Maria Callas was called La Divina, but I doubt he is an opera buff. And speaking of consciousness: what exactly is it? The best neurobiologists in His creation are still struggling with the issue. Please don’t take it personally Reverend, but the latest research is showing that apes too possess a degree of consciousness.  Echoes of Darwin, God forbid?

Really, I shouldn’t malign the President of the Southern Baptist Seminary. The poor chap is simply following “The Plan.” This is from the British Daily Mail online of August 31:

“Baptist minister bans toddlers from church hall because their yoga class is ‘unchristian’.”

 

Is Yum Yum Yoga unchristian?

The pastor of Silver Street Baptist Church in Taunton, Somerset – where Miss Woodcock had wanted to lead her Yum Yum Yoga class – told her the ancient Hindu and Buddhist meditation method is a “sham” and “unchristian.”

Miss Woodcock has described their position as “ridiculous” – particularly as her Yum Yum Yoga classes involve music and movement, with no mention of spiritual teachings.

She said: “It’s crazy because we’re talking about kids pretending to be animals and doing exercise routines to rhymes.”

Miss Woodcock, you have been unmasked! Your Yum Yum school is a front for pagan rituals where ostensibly innocent children are conned into being animals and making exercise routines. We have all seen the propaganda “documentaries” put out by the atheist front organization, the National Geographic, showing those wild Africans dressed in animal skins and scary face masks “dancing and doing exercise routines to rhymes”. You can’t fool us!

 

And what about Tai Chi?

It hasn’t escaped our notice that recently thousands of foreign-looking little old ladies are practicing every morning a series of slow-motion movements that are absolutely alien to our Christian beliefs. They call it Tai Chi, but they might as well call it by its real name: Hail Satan! Unbelievable as it may sound, that’s what Tai Chi stands for in Cantonese (see Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses). I am not making this up. This is from South Yorkshire in England:

“The Anglican Reverend David Rhodes of All Saints Church in Yorkshire (and his fellow ’senior members’ of the church’s community) has banned 20 little old ladies from doing their Tai Chi exercises in his church’s social hall.”

Why, you ask?  Isn’t the reason perfectly obvious?  Tai Chi is anti-Christian.

As far as the pensioners were concerned, their weekly Tai Chi classes in the church hall simply helped them to relax and do some gentle exercise.

But the vicar and senior members of the church community saw a more sinister side to the popular £2 a time lunchtime sessions.

They decided the ancient martial art, with its roots in the Chinese Taoist philosophy, was incompatible with Christianity and should not be tolerated!”

And Karate?

This ritualized sequence of menacing moves is designed to entice innocent young minds with the promise of physical prowess coupled with civility, humbleness, and responsibility in exercising power; the very antithesis of what we stand for dressed in black!!! – Satan’s color!

Then, there is Pilates

Brothers and sisters, there danger lurking all around us! A new form of idol worship is spreading like wildfire in America. It is trying to mask its evil origins under the innocent-sounding name Pilates. Don’t be fooled, fellow Christians, this form of idol worship originated with the heathens of Rome worshipping Hercules, their god of physical fitness. And did you know that this form of exercise is particularly popular among our straying Jewish brothers because it was named after Christ’s killer, Pontius Pilate?

 

And the Jews, of course

Ha! Yes! The Jews! They have their own form of stretching, invented by one of their own, called Moshe Feldenkreis. It purports to alleviate Jewish headaches due to cervical spine problems. You can’t fool us; if this was true, why do they still have so many headaches in Israel? When the Day of Judgment comes they will all burn in hell and the Kingdom of God will reign triumphant. Amen!

My mother, may she rest in peace, when she heard this kind of craziness would give out something between a loud exhalation and a heartbreaking sigh and say in her inimitable Yiddish: “Oylem Goylem”, which roughly translates into “idiot world”. You were sooo right, Mom.

Dov Michaeli, MD, PhD
Dov Michaeli, MD, PhD loves to write about the brain and human behavior as well as translate complicated basic science concepts into entertainment for the rest of us. He was a professor at the University of California San Francisco before leaving to enter the world of biotech. He served as the Chief Medical Officer of biotech companies, including Aphton Corporation. He also founded and served as the CEO of Madah Medica, an early stage biotech company developing products to improve post-surgical pain control. He is now retired and enjoys working out, following the stock market, travelling the world, and, of course, writing for TDWI.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Dov,
    Five years ago some friends of mine tried to start a hatha yoga class in Orland CA here in Butte County. Some Christians organized against the class calling it satanic. The church that was sponsoring the class canceled it. Now this is liberal northern CA. I am continually reminding myself that there is stupidity everywhere and I must be diligent to recognize it. A friend once said if you are a thinking person life is a comedy but if you are a feeling person life is a tragedy.
    Jim

  2. Don’t forget the ultimate Jewish conspiracy to impose their beliefs on the Christians; Christianity! The Jewish influence on their religion must be eliminated. Just take out any reference to anything related to the Jewish Bible from the Christian Bible, like God, and Creation, and the Davidic Line.

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